Friday, August 18, 2006

What's It All About?..................Love

Nobody ever told me that motherhood would be easy. I had my own ideas and I was ready for this challenging job.

When I first had Hannah I remember crying in my room at the hostpital because nobody from lactation showed up to help me. When I first came home with Hannah the first night was the worst. I had a high fever a earache and recovering from a c-section. I just remember thinking this is not it's suppose to be like this,this is pure hell. The next morning my husband had to go to a class for 2 hours. I was so scared to be by myself that I sat in my big chair and didn't move until he got home. I remember my friend calling me who is my pediatrician and me telling her I can't be this baby's mom. Debbie told me that is why she is here to help me through.

I dreaded evenings with the baby because that is when my anxiety showed the most. I had to go to the doctor the first week and I was pacing the room until she came in. I cried anytime anybody asked me how I was doing. I loved this little Hannah and I knew that I could do this.

When I had MaryGrace I didn't know that I could love somebody else as much as I loved Hannah. I was wrong, my love has tripled with Hannah and I am in love with my Gracie. I kept thinking how am I going to take care of 2 babies under the age of 2. It was my love that got me through the hard times.

When Gracie was in the hostpital at 3 weeks I didn't know what was going to happen to her. All I knew is that this was serious and I brought her in at the right time. When the pediatrician came in to ask me how I was holding up. I said to him" how do mothers do this watch their child be so sick". He didn't have an answer neither did I. I know now it's love, the love that you have for your children that grows stronger and stronger everyday that gets you through the hard days.

It's amazing what children do to your spirit. I have become a better person because of my children. Just in the way I do things in general and feel about life. Always being reminded of them and the person I need to be.I can get really goofy with them and they just laugh at me, and Hannah says,"again mommy".

I am reminded of their love for me when I come home from work it's their smile that greets me at the door. When Hannah says over and over again "I la u mommay" I can't help but pick her up at just hug her. When Gracie opens her mouth to suck on my face and laughs while she does it you can't help but be in love.

Sometimes during the day when I am at home I stand and watch the Girls. I think to myself how did I get to this place in my life ? What did I do to deserve this wonderful life?

Then I realize I fell in love with my husband then we were blessed with 2 beautiful girls. The 2 of us fell in love with them and that's what it is all about.


Erin said...

beautiful post! :)

Jamie said...

I had a really rough time recovering from my first c-section, which was an emergency surgery. Not fun...but what it all boils down to is the love we have for our kids and spouse. That's what keeps me going, too.

Katie said...

That was really sweet.

Anne said...

very sweet post. your kids will love reading it when they are older.

AmyM said...

Hello Amanda! I finally found you on-line! I am not sure if this is going to work (I just had a 13 year old teach me some computer stuff!), but here it goes. I really liked reading your piece. It was so sweet! It makes you think of why we got into this in the first place! I hope this makes it easier for us to keep in touch more. I miss you!

Amy said...

I know the feeling about watching your kids being sick. I had to watch as my baby got IVs, a spinal tap and numerous tests at 5 days old. All for no reason in the end. ARGH!

I also needed to respond to your question about the baseball game. We only sat in our seats for a half-inning, as they were in the sun. We spent the rest of the time standing in the shade of the concourse watching from there.

I would definitely take him again and sit in the seats if it was either cloudy or if it was a nightgame. He loved seeing all the people. We just took him in the Bjorn and it was fine.

Nicole said...

This was really nice, Amanda. Some of the best you've shared yet, and please take that as a compliment.

I remember those first few scary days and weeks, but only the intense emotion of it all, the helplessness. You were lucky to have someone there to support you. And you're right, it is all worth it.

Anne said...

what a sweet post!! happy mommy moments.